Aldersgate United Methodist Church

Pastor's Page




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Stories convey a powerful message whether they be Jesus' parables or stories that take place around us. Here is a story that I came across lately; one that I can't miss sharing with you.

A young lady was waiting for her flight in the boarding room of a big airport. While waiting, she decided to buy a book to spend her time and cookies to munch on. She sat down in an armchair to rest and read. Beside the armchair where the packet of cookies lay, a man sat down in the next seat, opened his magazine and started reading.
When she took out the first cookie, the man took one also. She felt irritated but said nothing. She just thought: "What nerve. I wish I could punch him for being so daring!"
For each cookie she took, the man took one also. This was infuriating her but she did not want to cause a scene. When only once cookie remained, she thought: "Ah... what is this abusive man to do now?"
Then the man, taking the last cookie, divided it into half, giving her one half.
Ah! That was too much! She was much too angry now. In a huff, she took her things and stormed to the boarding line. When she sat down in her seat inside the plane, she looked into her purse to take her eyeglasses and to her surprise, her packet of cookies was there. It meant that the man divided his cookies with her without feeling angered or bitter. And now there was no chance to explain herself nor to apologize.

There are 4 things, says the writer of the story, you cannot recover:
1. The stone ... after the throw.
2. The word... after it's said.
3. The occasion .... after the loss.
4. The time .... after it's gone.

"A patient man has great understanding, but a quick-tempered man displays folly." (Proverbs 14:29)

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Know your Bible, Know your Lord...
One way I encourage people to get to know the Bible is with trivia. Share the correct answers with me for a small prize!

1. How often did the year of Jubilee occur?
2. What otherwise faithful man once had an embarrassing episode of drunkenness in his tent?
3. Jesus healed Peter's mother-in -law of what:
- leprosy
- demon possession
- blindness
- a fever

Week 2:
1. What prophet of God challenged 450 prophets of Baal to see whose God would answer by fire?
2. Who comes to your minds with the following clues?
- A favored son
- A dream of supremacy
- A coat of many colors
3. What word described the crowd’s response when Jesus used His authority to drive out evil spirits?

Week 3:
1. The harlot who sheltered the two Israelites from the king of Jericho asked in return that they:
- pay her 40 shekels of silver
- say a prayer for her every day for a year
- refrain from attacking Jericho
- assure her and her family of protection during the siege of Jericho.
2. Does the word "Amen" appear at the conclusion of The Lord's Prayer as it is read in the book of Matthew?
3. Was the jailer who put Paul and Silas in the stocks eventually baptized?

Week 4:
1. How many times did Noah send the dove from the ark?
2. How old was Joseph when he received the coat of many colors?
3. What did Pilate’s wife say to her husband about the trial of Jesus?

Week 5:
What kind of bird, in the Bible, is said to hatch eggs it did not lay?
- partridge
- dove
- red hen
- kiwi
2. To whom did God say the following words: “Do you have an arm like God’s? or can your voice thunder like his?”
- Joshua
- Ezekiel
- Daniel
- Job
3. Jesus said that God can’t know what you need until you pray for.
true or false

Week 6:
Complete the quote.
1. "Mene, mene, ________"
2. "Heal me, O Lord, and I shall be healed; __________"
3. "For unto us a child is born, unto us a _________"

Week 7:
1. Who went to sleep while Paul was preaching and fell from a window to his death, but was revived by the apostle?
2. The ministry of John the Baptist as Christ’s forerunner was foretold by which prophet?
3. Why was John reluctant to baptize Jesus?

Week 8:
1. Connect the Thoughts:
...lost donkeys a tall man anointing oil
2. When Jesus was on earth, on what two occasions did God speak directly from heaven?
3. Complete the verse:
Bear one another's burdens, and in this way you will .....the law of Christ.

Week 9:
1. Toward the end of his life, Jeremiah was taken captive to which country?
2. What is more important than beauty in a good woman?
3. What did Jesus tell the disciples that the Holy Spirit would specifically do?

Week 10:
Match: Cain and Abel...
a) Abel worked the soil while Cain tended the sheep
b) Abel was sentenced by God to wander the earth
c) Cain was sent to live east of Eden.
2. What judge of Israel made a foolish vow that cost him the life of his only daughter?
3. What kind of animal did God tell the Israelites to slaughter and eat during the Passover?

Week 11:
1. What judge of Israel had 30 sons who rode 30 donkeys?
a) Tola
b) Jair
c) Jephthah d) Eli
2. What fishing tool did Jesus liken to the kingdom of heaven in a parable found only in Matthew's gospel?
3. What did the people of Malta say about Paul when a snakebite did not kill him?
a) that he was lucky
b) that he was a demon
c) that he was a god
d) that he was really tough

Week 12:
1. Why were the children of Israel condemned to wander in the wilderness for 40 years?
2. Complete the Scripture verse: "Grow in grace, and in the ...... of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.
3. Another name for Jesus' Sermon on the Mount is:
a) Beatitudes b) Attitude Adjustments c) Beatniks d) Assertiveness Training


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Holy Humor....

THE BIBLE
Did you know that...? When you carry the Bible, Satan has a headache. When you open it, he collapses. When he sees you reading it, he faints. Let's read the Bible every day so he keeps on fainting. Maybe one day he'll have a stroke and never wake up.

SAY A PRAYER
Little Johnny and his family were having Sunday dinner at his Grandmother's house. Everyone was seated around the table as the food was being served. When Little Johnny received his plate, he started eating right away. "Johnny! Please wait until we say our prayer." said his mother. "I don't need to," the boy replied. "Of course, you do "his mother insisted. We always say a prayer before eating at our house." "That's at our house." Johnny explained. "But this is Grandma's house and she knows how to cook.

ALL MEN / ALL GIRLS
When my daughter, Kelli, said her bedtime prayers, she would bless every family member, every friend, and every animal (current and past). For several weeks, after we had finished the nightly prayer, Kelli would say, "And all girls." This soon became part of her nightly routine, to include this closing. My curiosity got the best of me and I asked her, "Kelli, why do you always add the part about all girls?" Her response, "Because everybody always finish their prayers by saying 'All Men'!"

BEING THANKFUL
A Rabbi said to a precocious six-year-old boy, "So your mother says your prayers for you each night? That's very commendable. What does she say?" The little boy replied, "Thank God he's in bed!"
 
UNANSWERED PRAYER
The preacher's 5 year-old daughter noticed that her father always paused and bowed his head for a moment before starting his sermon. One day, she asked him why. "Well, Honey," he began, proud that his daughter was so observant of his messages. "I'm asking the Lord to help me preach a good sermon." "How come He doesn't answer it?" she asked.

 THE LORD IS MY SHEPHERD
A Sunday School teacher decided to have her young class memorize one of the most quoted passages in the Bible - Psalm 23 . She gave the youngsters a month to learn the chapter. Little Rick was excited about the task - but he just couldn't remember the Psalm. After much practice, he could barely get past the firstline. On the day that the kids were scheduled to recite Psalm 23 in front of the congregation, Rick was so nervous, when it was his turn, he stepped up to the microphone and said proudly, "The Lord is my Shepherd, and that's all I need to know."

GOOD SAMARITAN
A Sunday school teacher was telling her class the story of the Good Samaritan.
She asked the class, "If you saw a person lying on the roadside, wounded and
bleeding, what would you do?"
A thoughtful little girl broke the hushed silence, "I think I'd throw up".

DID NOAH FISH?

A Sunday school teacher asked, "Johnny, do you think Noah did a lot of fishing
when he was on the Ark ?" "No," replied Johnny. "How could he, with just two
worms."

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....check back often for new humor and trivia
...